Saturday, September 21, 2013

An Insightful ONS (a Manila epilogue)

The atmosphere was jovial, yet I was still tense. Too much PUA programming and dealing with western women have left me passive-aggressive. She was in front of me sitting in a stool, hitting her knees with my knees, a sure-sign that she wanted me. It was raining, a monsoon outside was forming, hitting land as how she was touching my knees with hers. 

All the attraction signs was in order. Her breasts even looked larger. She had no ulterior motive. She was just a bubbly girl who had wanted a night out to show me her personality. She was not struggling financially. She admitted she didn’t find “Americans” attractive. I thought about it, then realized that she meant the Anglo-Saxons in the bar in which I took her. I was just another person here. 

In two hours I would be in her condominium and she would be telling me to hit it harder. A one night stand. These things were happening more frequently. I spent $20 or P800 for two pitchers of beer – I think one would have sufficed as I drank most of it towards the end. 

What had happened? And why did I wake up feeling remorse? This female was but a diversion for me. I enjoyed her company, but she would have been better of as a friend: I truly liked just hanging out. It seems that I went on auto-pilot, executing PUA principles without much thought. I had become a womanizer. 

Maybe it’s the beer in me that is making me feel blue. I hate consuming alcohol; I hate myself for it. There is even my girl issue, her hotness would not be pleased if she had found out how I spend my time. 

I guess living in a western country had made me drunk even before I got here. It feels like I was starved for femaleattention – no wait – make that feminine presence. Now I have it, now I’m normal. I’m realizing that girls are just a diversion. My friends do not even seek females that much compared to the nuclear amount of scheming their American counterparts do. My friends have their families, friendships, and careers to attend to. American men seem to have put women front and center: I am now realizing there is more to life. 

My phone, my game phone, is loaded with girls, and my mind ponders vasectomy. I do not want girls to be central in my life here in Manila. It shouldn’t be. They should just be a diversion, something that enriches me (and her) and not a conquest to be had one after the next.

Dedicated to these Girls I have met here there and everywhere.. 

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